Bye Bye Colon

Well, I survived the "going away" party for my colon & rectum!

The fake plant and zebra chair at the Palms did not.

The Comedy Catch was amazing and my friends and the comedians made me feel soooo special!

I don't think I've laughed as hard in my whole life... except when Jennifer gave me a play by play of the evening the following morning.

I leave for Nashville in the morning and am getting a little nervous....can't sleep right now!

Just wanted to say thank you to all my friends, family, and co-workers for your thoughts, prayers, and support. I love you all, and couldn't get through this without you!!!!!

Funny...yet very inappropriate!

My friend Kim sent me this the other day…it’s a forward, but too funny! Don't know if this is true... thank God I love my job!!!!


A Reminder When you have an "I Hate My Job day":

[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]


Try this out:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson


Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.


Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.


Now the fun part begins.



Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson

is personally tested and then sanitized. "


Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."


HAVE A GREAT DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!


..........Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old fart! Maybe you should go and work for Johnson & Johnson!!!!!

My Last Thursday with a Colon:

Today started off rough, yet ended on a high note. Our family parrot (Scarlett) had to be put down due to illness and it was hard on all of us. We have had Scarlett for about 24-25 years...most of my life! It's very sad, but we definitely did not want her to suffer, she was a wonderful pet!

I had dinner with friends this evening got lots of fun surprises today! It was better than Christmas!

First, I received several nightgowns and robes in the mail from my "aunt" Gail. They are all beautiful, and make me feel very special. I know they will cheer me up in the hospital and keep me comfy!

At dinner, Jill and Jennifer treated me to lots of colon related gifts and surprises! I got earings, neclaces, magnets, a hat, CD's, DVS, and a stuffed colon named "Collin". It was too fun!!!!

Don't ask bout this last pic...I don't get it! Found it on the bathroom door of the sushi place where we ate. Don't know how or what I am "pushing down" in the bathroom

Dinner with My Girls!

I'm going out for sushi with girlfriends and I can't wait! I was told I also get presents (Bonus!)...well my colon and retum get "going away" presents! Can't believe I am just a few days away from surgery and am not totally freaking out... maybe just a little.


This week has been pretty good, lots of updates and fun events going on:

• Saturday night going to the Comedy Catch (can't wait!), bout 20 of us are getting together and I definitely think laughter wil be the best medicine for me.


• Found out that my dear friend Katie will possibly be coming to visit me the week after surgery, and I can't wait to see her!


• FYI: the "car salesman" finally called. I don't know if it's anything to toot my horn about, yet it was a nice gesture. I have a feeling that the car I am interested is still unavailable....only time will tell.

That's all for now....One more week!

Saying Goodbye

Well, my colon has made it for thirty years! The last 14 years haven't been great for my little buddy, but I'm finally ready to say "goodbye." The more I prepare myself both physically and emotionally for a poo bag and pouch, I realize: there's a lot I'm gonna miss and won't miss!

• I'm gonna miss sleeping on my stomach and right side!


• I'm gonna miss Coke and Dr. Pepper!


• I'm gonna miss Sushi!


• I'm gonna miss Starbucks!


• I'm gonna miss sitting down to potty!


• I'm gonna miss sleeping through the night! (w/o changing a bag at 4 AM)

• I'm not gonna miss public restrooms!


• I'm not gonna miss crying while on the potty!


• I'm not gonna miss medicine!


• I'm not gonna miss feeling embarrassed!
  
• I'm not gonna miss avoiding social situations!


• I'm not gonna miss "accidents!"
  

This list will definitely change as I learn and experience life without a colon, yet the basics are there. Overall, I would definitely give up the things "I will miss" to be healthy and feel good. Although...I will be sneaking an occasional Coke, my life just wouldn't be complete without it!

The Waiting Game

Waiting is not fun, especially when you are waiting for surgery. The last few days have been hard and I'm scared it's gonna get harder. Some days I feel down and think..."Why me?" I've always been taught that life isn't fair, and I know everyone is presented with challenges which ultimately make them stronger...but am I not strong enough yet?

This surgery is taking place at one of the hardest times in my life. I'm trying to be strong, but I feel really alone. I lost someone I loved, and thought felt the same for me. For the last few months I've been trying to hold on to "what was" as opposed to "what is." I'm trying to change and move on, but a life altering surgery is not making the process any easier. I feel like my life has been turned upside down and I truly have no idea what to expect next.

Time on earth is brief, time passes and things change. Nothing will ever stay the same, and I pray all these changes and challenges bring me health and happiness.

Thank you to my wonderful family and friends who have always been there for me, each of you are blessings in my life!!!

I think my surgeon may be Superman

After further investigation of the man who will be ripping out my guts, I found that he may be superhuman. Not only is he the Associate Professor of Surgery and Biomedical Engineering, and Director of the Vanderbilt Colon and Rectal Program, he also played for the NFL. Yes...he played for the New England Patriots.

Is that natural? Can people be both medical genius and talented athlete? Just a thought, but all I can say is "Thank You!"